It took motherhood to unlock life's meaning for this workaholic

I went from KPIs, page views and writing social media blurbs to pumping milk in the middle of the night for a screaming boss - my baby. But it was worth it.

- Diane Leow

Ten years ago, my life revolved around being a junior journalist, looking to find the next scoop, writing the wittiest social media blurb, and proving to myself that choosing to put my career first was not a mistake.

Ask anyone who knows me and they'll say I am a recovering workaholic, a mobile phone addict, and too dedicated to my work. That, combined with an erratic sleep schedule and working most weekday nights, meant I was likely destined to be single for a long time - of my own volition. I dreamt of buying my own HDB flat at age 35, complete with a tri-colour Pembroke Welsh corgi for company.

But, of course, life (or God, or the Universe you decide) often throws us curveballs, and I did not expect to meet the man I now call my husband.

Fast forward to 2022, and I found myself on a wildly different trajectory. A journalist at heart, I'd chosen to switch careers to communications. The girl who thought she would remain single forever got married.

And when our first child was born, I was left staring in the mirror wondering: Who on earth is this person looking back at me? Having a child was not part of my plan, if it were left to me. But in a partnership, one considers the other party's wants and needs. My husband wanted children, and I was never violently opposed to them. My main criterion, however, was the need for my husband to be an equal in raising them. We'll both be stuck in the messy parts, the fun parts, the difficult parts. And we'll do it together.

What I did not expect was the reckoning I had to contend with all on my own.

THE BREAKDOWN Even from the midst of the post-partum haze, this moment comes back to me clear as day.

I'd just awoken from yet another alarm reminding me to pump milk for my newborn.

Bleary-eyed and deeply frustrated from the lack of sleep, I made a passing comment that would wound my husband. I just didn't know it at the time.