'Gentle parenting' is spoiling my granddaughter. What should I do?

My stepdaughter has been a single mother for about five years.

- Lori Gottlieb

She is 45, and I recognize that it is tough raising a 10-year-old girl while holding a full-time job and routinely jousting with an uncooperative ex-husband. I try my hardest to take everything into account.

At issue is my stepdaughter's unwavering adherence to this "gentle parenting" concept of child-rearing that is currently in fashion. In my opinion, the child is developing into a brat who knows her mother will rarely issue meaningful discipline. Instead, her mother "reasons" with her until the next time her actions merit more "reasoning."

I warn my wife that today's 10-year-old brat is tomorrow's teenager prone to dangerous impulses. My wife agrees, but has yet to seriously address the issue with her daughter, despite my repeated attempts to get her to act.

Meanwhile, my stepdaughter and her child live nearby and, at every visit, I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Inevitably, the child will be told something she resents—usually by me—and the predictable hunched shoulders, fisted hands, and the all-too-familiar scowl will ensue as she stomps off and pouts, followed by her mother "reasoning" with her about "Grandpa's misstep."

I am unable to do more than watch and simply await the arrival of a full-blown out-of-control situation. Can you help?

You are watching events unfold that seem deeply misaligned with your own values and experience, and that is making you feel that the only way to set things right is to change how your stepdaughter raises her child.

It is important to remember, though, that underlying your frustration is your genuine desire for this young girl's well-being. Let this sense of care guide how you handle this.