Easier to endure bruises than seek help for moving house

Some of us find it difficult to ask for and accept help. This often makes matters worse.

- Denise Chong

For an hour, my hand ached as I cut, tore, and swore at a 2m reinforced cardboard box that had carried the fridge. The delivery man did not want to take the cumbersome box away, and I was too mentally tired to debate with vendors again about what their job commitments were to make them fulfill them.

I took breaks after each tough cardboard wall was broken down; otherwise, I might have broken down too. The stress of moving stuff in a mountain of boxes, taking delivery of new goods and renovation tasks is bruising—literally and metaphorically—but even then, I found it hard to accept offers of help.

Why do some of us find asking for and accepting help so difficult?

'MORE STRESSFUL THAN CHILDBIRTH'

If ever there was a good time for getting help, it would be during one of the most stressful events in our lives, according to a survey.

Moving house ranks among life's most stressful experiences, surpassing even childbirth, job interviews, and dental procedures, according to a survey cited by British media outlet The Independent.

The loss of a family member was voted the most stressful event (65 per cent), while caring for an elderly or sick relative and getting divorced or separated tied for second place.

Moving house followed closely, chosen by 33 per cent of respondents. It was notably ahead of having a child, and losing a friend, each of which was picked by 19 per cent of respondents.

But on the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory, it limped in at a more modest stress level: 25 points as opposed to the top stressor—death of spouse—at 100 points, and the second-highest stressor of divorce at 73 points. This is a stress scale created in the US by psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe to determine a person's level of stress, as they found overwhelming evidence that increasing levels of stress seemed to contribute directly to physical illness.