Connect Before You Correct

Facts rarely change minds; warmth does. Connection disarms defensiveness, turning resistance into willingness to learn

- By ANIL BHATNAGAR

The broad-chested man with a sunken belly looked like a living statue of strength chiselled from stone. In the crowded metro car, his bulging biceps stretched the seams of his sleeves as he bent his arm to light a cigarette.

A woman passenger, seeing no one protesting, finally spoke up, "You cannot smoke on a moving metro train." However, ignoring her, he continued to puff and, peering into her eyes, deliberately blew the smoke her way.

At the next station, a bespectacled, slight man boarded. He looked at the smoker, patted his pockets to check something, and asked politely, "May I borrow a cigarette? I forgot my cigarette case."

The muscular man smiled, took out his cigarette case, and offered one.

"Oh, you also smoke Marlboro like me!" The thin man showed pleasant surprise. "By the way, what do you do?"

"I'm a building contractor. I spend most of my time on construction sites," the muscular man replied.

While exchanging the business cards, the bespectacled man smiled: "That explains your fitness. I'm a civil engineer-we draw the plans that people like you bring to life. Without contractors, our designs would remain on paper."

The petite man scanned the muscular man's card, then pocketed it. "Sometimes, clients ask us to recommend builders. Can I refer your name to them?"

"Oh, certainly. That would be very kind of you." The muscular man bent down to light the thin man's cigarette. Seeing this, the same woman, feeling bolder due to his slight, nonthreatening build, pointed to the 'No Smoking' sign. "Can't you read? Smoking's prohibited!"