Education in Old England

AN ITEM headed “Why Teachers Drink” lists questions and answers in England’s GCSE examination, sent to me by John Trachim, my former colleague on this newspaper.

- William James

AN ITEM headed "Why Teachers Drink" lists questions and answers in England's GCSE examination, sent to me by John Trachim, my former colleague on this newspaper.

Here goes: Name the four seasons. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

How is dew formed? The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed.

In a democratic society, how important are elections? Very important. Sex can only happen when a man gets an election.

What are steroids? Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

What happens to your body as you age? When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.