Gaudy blimey, this palace of tack is sensational

Recommendations can cut deeper than insults.

- DAVID ELLIS

"Thought this might be your cup of tea," while gifting a copy of Crafting with Cat Hair. “For your boyfriend’s birthday?”, pinging a link for adult bibs on Amazon. Telling anyone they'd suit Crocs. Restaurants are no different. What does it say when someone hypes Frankie & Benny's?

Lilibet's, then. Posh seafood gaff. Mentioned on WhatsApp, made its way into my DMs. “Saw this and thought of you,” said a friend. This place, which looks like a Fabergé egg wrapped in Liberty wrapping paper? It's a palace of tack, not Trumpian but Robert Kime on ket, a World of Interiors centrefold if every editorial conference started with coffee and a line. Me? I sniffed with Hyacinth Bucket-ish derision. Although, actually, I expect she would've liked it, given how much of the upholstery matches her wardrobe.

And then one day I spotted the green and glass frontage on Bruton Street, and wondered which silly bugger had opened a garden centre in the middle of Mayfair. Lilibet's, the sign read. I went in for a nosy. And a martini. I spotted a two-course, £29 lunch menu-saw they weren't ripoff merchants — and booked to come back two days later.