Why do I always forget to replace the black stuff?

FOR some reason, my thoughts this week turn to Marmite.

- Peter Mortimer

> Students visit The Marmite Dark Room experience in Bristol in 2023, to find out if they are a 'lover' or a 'hater' of the famously divisive spread

It could be that the jar is empty and I continually forget to replace it on visits to Cullercoats Coop.Sourdough bread I remember, Irish butter, packs of bacon, semi-fat milk, the odd chocolate croissant, a couple of Penguin biscuits, free-range eggs, big fat sausages, a small vegan fruity bar.

Jars of Marmite tend to take you by surprise with the speed that they empty. It's impossible to see through the thick dark glass for one. And the shape means you can never get the last bit out, unlike jam or marmalade. And why can't you buy bumper-sized jars of the stuff?

I once wrote a play called Marmite and my son Dylan acted in it.

During rehearsals he decided to create a song based round the contents listed on the jar label, and I still have a vivid memory of his leaping about the stage with a comic musical ditty, mouthing the words, 'barley, wheat, oats, rye, salt, vitamins thiamine, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin B12 and folic acid.'