My partner wants to open up our relationship – but I don’t

The Indy’s agony aunt Victoria Richards is here to help out

- Victoria Richards

Dear Vix,My husband and I have been together for years – since we were at university together.

We’ve been through a lot: family bereavement, illness, even miscarriage. We've had our share of rocky moments – including infidelity. But, we’ve come through it, and (so I thought) we're now stronger than ever.

But my husband has thrown a grenade into our marriage. He says we've been together so long that we should trust each other completely, by now - enough to ‘open up’ our relationship.

He explains it as a way to satisfy the natural curiosity we all have about sleeping with other people – but in a safe and secure environment. He says that rather than making me feel jealous, it should reassure me, because I never have to worry about him cheating. He'd be doing it with my consent and within our rules. He makes me feel like I'm not being open-minded enough to give it a try.

Some of what he says is quite convincing, but I don’t feel convinced. In fact, I feel sick. I can’t imagine knowing he’s out on a date and waiting up for him to get home. I'd absolutely hate it. He says he wouldn't mind if I did it – but what does that say? That he doesn’t care enough about me to hate the thought of me being with other men?