Call me by your (own) name

Cutesy nickname? Or something more business-like? How you save your partner’s name in your phone can shed light on the dynamics of your relationship

- Katie Rosseinsky

Six years ago, PR director Yasmin bumped into a guy named Rory at an art gallery in London, and "chatted him up at the Tracey Emin exhibit". She took down his number, and they've been together ever since. Despite all the time and relationship milestones that have elapsed since then, though, Yasmin still has her partner saved in her phone as "Rory Whitecube", named in a nod to the place they met. These unconventional contact details, she says, are “definitely part of the lore” of their relationship now. And if you had such a romcom-worthy meet cute with your significant other, wouldn’t you want to preserve it, too?

It might seem like a relatively minor detail, but the way that we store the phone numbers of the people closest to us can shed interesting light upon those bonds – and that’s perhaps especially true of our romantic relationships. Do you, like Yasmin, stick with the original address book entry, knowing it’s part of the tapestry of your shared history? Do you opt for a mushy pet name to signal your adoration, or festoon their name with hearts? Maybe you’re resolutely all business, going for the full name approach, as if they’re someone that you met at a networking event, rather than your wife of 25 years.

When I canvassed my friends about their own approaches, my favourite discovery was learning that one pal has her boyfriend saved under: “Ugh, him again” (she changed his details in retaliation after he put her down as something with a similar, jokily disparaging tone). Entries like this can show us a lot about a couple’s sense of humour, or the contradictory ways that they might prefer to show their affection. “Since the name on our phone is a visual symbol of our partner, and a reminder of our relationship with them, using personal jokes or nicknames can reflect a deeper or more intimate connection,” says Eloise Skinner, a psychotherapist and author.