Coping with habits

PARTNERS: TAKES TOLERANCE, PATIENCE TO ACCEPT ECCENTRICITIES

- Hein Kaiser

He does not put the toothpaste back in the bathroom cupboard. He leaves his socks and underpants everywhere.

She forgets to put leftovers in the fridge and boy oh boy, if you can train a dog to sit, why hasn't he ever learnt to listen?

It can be a slow descent to insanity. Love, it seems, is not just about grand gestures and heartbreak, but also about tolerance.

It takes patience to accept daily quirks, habits and downright eccentricities of the partners we settle with.

That's the bottom line to every long-term coupling. Tuning out mid-conversation is an art form that many men, without stereotyping, have mastered.

On platforms like Reddit and via anecdotal research, women blame men for half-listening or not... a lot.

The nodding, the well-timed "hmm" and the occasional glance up from a phone are all make-believe engagement.

Yet, many women claim that it's all just white noise to their partners.

Psychologist and medical doctor Jonathan Redelinghuys says this kind of ignoring is an insult disguised as indifference.

"Tuning out your partner sends a message that they don't matter," he said. "Over time, this erodes emotional connection."

The solution, he said, was either to practise participating and listening or be honest about not caring.

"Good luck to anyone brave enough to admit the latter," he said.