Scythe matters for Susan

TONIGHT'S episode of SUSAN CALMAN'S GRAND DAY OUT (5, 8pm, 5) which takes her back to Cornwall, is entitled In Search Of Poldark. Best of luck with that, Susan, that’s all I can say.

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By my calculations, the infuriatingly handsome Captain Poldark must be 265 years old by now and therefore likely to have changed beyond recognition.

If she wants my advice, a more useful mission, since she’s fortunate enough to find herself in that neck of the woods, would see her setting out In Search Of A Mobile Phone Signal That Gives You More Than Two Bars. I reckon she could get a whole series out of that.

But she doesn’t, of course. Doesn’t want my advice, that is. And who can blame her?

Susan has carved herself out such a lovely niche with this show (we're nearing the end of its ninth series now) that I very much doubt she needs anyone’s.