Have you lost the art of listening properly?

Meaningful interactions are harder than ever thanks to the distractions of noise and our ever-present gadgets. Expert Dr Haru Yamada advises how to start hearing each other again

- MARGARET HUSSEY

Have you ever been on a train or bus, heard your stop and missed it? That could be because although you've registered information, you haven't listened.

With our ears constantly pounded by noise, whether from headphones, TV, Zoom calls or traffic, have we lost the art of listening? Or are we just listening wrongly?

Sociolinguist and listening expert Dr Haru Yamada knows the answers. In her new book Kiku, meaning listen in Japanese, she shows how listening is more than just hearing. We need to look for body language clues as well as honing in on the content, to avoid misunderstandings.

So why do we sometimes hear but not listen? "We have this amazing auditory system and the job of our ear is delivering sounds to our brain," says Dr Yamada. "But then we have to actually listen to what we have heard. Think about missing a train stop announcement - we selectively listen and then our focus moves on to something else."

It's a subject close to Dr Yamada's heart as following a scooter accident, she lost the sibilant sounds in her left ear and wears a hearing aid. She also has tinnitus. She says with the rise of the digital age, listening has been made to take a back seat.

"I think we prioritise speaking so much in the name of productivity and success. We give a lot of merit to great speakers, and it's a little bit unfortunate that in English to listen has some implications of obeying.

"But when you are listening, you are not giving up your speaking time. It's not about shutting up. When we are listening, we are supporting and learning about the person."

As for the book's title, Kiku, written in Japanese characters it represents an ear with 14 hearts. "The idea is that when we really listen intently, it takes a lot of energy, as if you were to have 14 hearts," says Dr Yamada.