Claus for concern over true meaning of Christmas

APPARENTLY there is an attempt to introduce religion into Christmas.

- With Graham Davies

This staggering idea is a serious move that is causing panic in the retail industry.Mary Kristmas, CEO of Ripemoff Christmas lighting company, sees a dark time ahead, while Russell Sprout, owner of a local Italian eatery, could not see himself surviving pasta new year.

Surely Christmas is all about a plus-size man with a beard, aggressive parking in shopping centres, fighting on Black Friday over an air-fryer, AA batteries, impulsive buying and eating too much. Silent Night is when the WiFi packs up, and Ding Dong Merrily on High is when Uncle Ted jumps on the table on his fourth can.