The Silence in Long Marriages

The empty-nest years are revealing long-buried differences in many Kashmiri marriages, pushing couples to choose between silent endurance and personal dignity.

- Dr. Fiaz Maqbool Fazili

Kashmiris have long believed that marriages are made in heaven. But behind many doors, they are silently falling apart.

The official divorce rate in the valley is low, but it masks a deeper reality.

Couples often avoid legal separation because of stigma, complicated procedures, and social pressure.

Beneath the surface, marriages are under strain. This is most visible in "grey divorce," when couples over fifty choose to separate after decades together.

Grey divorce was once unimaginable in a culture that treats marriage as sacred. Today, it is becoming more common.

Some older couples take legal steps to separate. Others stay under the same roof while living very different lives.

They sleep in separate rooms, speak only when necessary, and raise children in homes filled with silence, tension, and old resentments. The emotional toll of this cold war is heavy.

But why is this happening?

Part of it comes from global influence. In many countries, grey divorce has risen over the last thirty years, driven by longer life, changing gender roles, and a focus on personal happiness.

Ideas travel fast, and Kashmir has felt these winds of change. Education, migration, media, and diaspora connections are changing what people expect from marriage. People are asking themselves: what should a lifelong partnership give me, and what am I willing to endure?

Local changes play a big role too.