The Quiet Storm of Raising a Life in Kashmir

The author challenges traditional narratives around children as blessings by revealing how they test marriages, identities, and the mental health of mothers, often in silence.

- Hirra Sultan

We often read in holy scriptures or hear in lectures that your children are a trial for you. Nobody ever explains this and probably none of us think of it beyond a certain point. Probably, because we were never taught to ponder over the holy book and instructed just to keep reading it without comprehension.

That there is no good deed written for you when you read tafseer instead of the text. Why it is said so? Is it because they are going to be defiant? Headstrong teenagers who will not listen to their parents anymore? Prefer friends over family? Bring you shame by asking difficult questions? Holding stronger opinions than our society can digest? Act out?

The first question a newly-wed couple is asked post-wedding is when are they planning to have kids, not the next vacation. Having kids is sold in our society as the ultimate fulfiller. The ultimate goal of a woman's life. Like life is empty without having one and the sole purpose of getting married is having children.

So many women hear "Ami warai tchenei shoobie", without once thinking that this is beyond a couple's control and is only by the divine decree. Now there are multiple things wrong with this.

First, a couple should be given enough time to understand each other before they decide to bring another life into the world. Do we not hear it enough that having children tests a marriage like nothing else? So why are we adamant on sitting the test without proper preparation?