How an autism diagnosis helped save my marriage

Lucy Brazier had always struggled with her husband Steve's mood ood swings and erratic behaviour - but by January 2022 and after 20 years of marriage she realised she couldn't take it any more.

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"It had been particularly hard that Christmas. He'd been especially low, had a sudden high and then a sudden crash. I thought, 'This is it. I can't keep doing this, '" says Lucy, 54.

Steve, 58, agreed and told her: "I have tried everything. You name it, I have done it... but I still hate myself.

"I won't blame you if you want to leave me. I want to leave me... I don't want you to waste any more time in this marriage."

Yet rather than the end of their relationship, the decision heralded a new beginning. The moment they agreed to separate felt like "stepping off a crowded bus you were desperate to leave," Lucy says. "He was letting me off the hook and that was what I thought I wanted.

REVELATION

"But, as soon as we had that conversation very calmly, I thought, 'This can't be it. We can't give up without one last go'. Even though I'd really hoped to be let off the hook, when it came to it, I don't know if either of us were actually ready."

Then came the revelation that was to change their lives.

Lucy confided in an old friend about her divorce plans and the friend recommended a book entitled The ADHD Effect On Marriage. She sent Lucy a copy, Steve read it, then he declared, "This is exactly how I feel". His mental health felt so precarious that he paid for a private consultation rather than face a two-year wait for an NHS referral. A week after the appointment, the psychiatrist's report rated Steve as 98% likely to have ADHD. The moment was "momentous", says Lucy.