£2.5m for bed and bawd

A COUPLE of years ago we decided to replace our mattress.

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You’re meant to do that every so often, aren’t you?

But, blimey, they don’t come cheap, these things. Not unless you strike lucky, and find one growing in a hedge or on the central reservation of the M1.

No, if you want one that’s new and fairly decent — not too hard, not too squidgy — your credit card may have to take quite a pounding.

Ours certainly did.

On reflection, what we should have done first is put our old mattress up for sale, to raise money towards its replacement.