Who is next for the United States?

The Crazy Gang are high on the "brilliant success" of their Venezuela caper and looking for new targets.

- Gwynne Dyer

Like Alexander the Great, US President Donald Trump weeps because there are no more worlds to conquer. But wait! Actually, there are still lots of places to conquer.

Colombia is right next door to Venezuela and the US fleet is already just offshore, so how about taking down President Gustavo Petro? "He's a sick man who likes making cocaine and sending it to the United States, and he's not going to be doing it very long," according to The Donald (who is lying about Mr Petro.)

Instant triumphs tend to be smaller and less rewarding (arresting Russian-registered tankers in mid-ocean, for example). There is only one whole country on his list that Mr Trump could conquer in one week from a standing start: Greenland. This may be why Steve Miller, White House Deputy Chief of Staff, moved it to the top of the hit-list on Monday.

As a former colony that is still a self-governing part of the Danish kingdom, Greenland is not yet a completely sovereign state. But it can hold a referendum on full independence whenever its 57,000 people want, so it sort of qualifies as a country. Only a trophy country, but you would still get points for conquering it.