The fifth nerve

Doctor, it is like a tiny gremlin tap dancing on my face!” exclaimed Mrs Sharma, a vivacious woman in her late 40s, who, despite her current predicament, still managed to accessorise her pain with a rather stylish scarf. “And not just any tap dancing,” she continued, her voice rising in pitch, “but the kind with those steel-tipped shoes! The ones that make you want to hide under the table!”

- Dr MAZDA TUREL

Now, facial gremlins are not typically part of a middle-aged lady’s daily routine, unless they've been indulging in some particularly potent homemade chutney. Mrs Sharma, however, assured me that her culinary adventures were strictly limited to the occasional over-spiced curry. A thorough examination revealed the true culprit: the trigeminal nerve, that mighty cranial nerve responsible for facial sensation and chewing, was misfiring like a faulty electrical circuit.

“So, it’s not a gremlin?” Mrs Sharma asked, her eyes wide with a mixture of disappointment and relief. “Afraid not,” I chuckled, “though I must admit, that’s one of the more creative diagnoses I've heard.” I explained to her the intricacies of trigeminal neuralgia and how this ‘suicide disease,’ as it was grimly nicknamed, could cause excruciating pain with the slightest touch, a gentle breeze, or even a misplaced smile.