How To GET ALONG WITH ANYONE

Whether you get cornered by a chatterbox or embarrassed by a jokester, you can turn things in your favor

- Rosemary Counter

WHILE POLITELY MAKING small talk at a | regretting both my party dress and baby shower, my day was ruined in one fell swoop. "Ooh, are you expecting?!" asked a family friend, eyeballing my body up and down. I sheepishly shook my head, instantly my ample plate of mini-sandwiches. Then, just when I thought this conversation couldn't get worse, it did: "Well," she asked earnestly, "why not?"

Reasons and retorts flooded my mind-deep rooted doubts about my maternal capabilities, fear of climate change, "just fat, thanks" or perhaps a well chosen expletive. Instead, I murmured something about being busy at work and excused myself to mope for the rest of the afternoon.

I've since recovered emotionally, though I sometimes daydream of a do-over. What should I have said to such a nosy question from such a rude person? And how about all those other, um, challenging personalities we have to converse with whether we want to or not? Just in time for the holidays, I asked experts about how to deal with the trickiest, tackiest, meanest and most maddening personalities with nary a single insult hurled.

THE COMPLAINER

You know the type: This restaurant is too expensive, the music is too loud, my burger is overdone and I can hardly taste it anyhow because I'm probably coming down with something. As Saturday Night Live's famous Debbie Downer sketch goes: Whaa, whaaaaa. But the Complainer in real life isn't so funny.

"This is a person who thinks life's unfair to them," says Jody Carrington, a psychologist and author of Feeling Seen: Reconnecting in a Disconnected World. Nobody's that bummed out by a burger; they're down about other, bigger things and are letting it out on specific, controllable things like what's on their plate, not to mention the unfortunate server who dared to deliver it.