QUESTIONS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE ASKED

What do people expect to hear when they keep quizzing others about things that are none of their business?

- Richard Glover

IF I'M LIMPING, please don't ask me why.

When you are young, every injury comes with a terrific anecdote. "I was saving a child from a house fire, and I seem to have pulled a muscle." With such a tale to tell, you want to be asked.

Later in life, the injuries still come, but with no story attached. Question: "How did you injure your back?" Answer: "I got out of bed this morning. I did it too quickly." Or: "I was in the shower and tried to wash my feet." Or: "Putting out the garbage."

So, why do people insist on asking, and what am I meant to say? "Old age, I'm afraid. Just one of those things. Can't complain." Having to issue such a response is worse than having the limp.

Meanwhile, my dog has also developed a limp. We make quite a sight, picking our way down towards the dog park. If people have some restraint when it comes to inquiring about a person's limp, there are no barriers when it comes to poor Clancy.

"What's wrong with the dear thing?" they say, popping down on their haunches to stroke his fine muzzle. They look deeply into his eyes and make soft cooing noises. Sometimes they touch their head against his. The implication is that I'm not paying proper attention to my dog's health. Clearly, people think, there's some easy cure for Clancy's limp, but the owner has baulked at the $9.50 cost of the pills or the bandage.