WERE YOU DUMPED...or discarded?

Knowing the difference can help you move on from a relationship break-up, and spot the signs that you might have had a lucky escape from a narcissist, says Greta Solomon

- 

While it's never pleasant when a partner ends your relationship, there's often a clear, logical reason why - and the knowledge that you'll both move on.

But being discarded - the tell-tale sign of a narcissist - is entirely different.

For Nell, it happened when she was pregnant by her husband of two years, and living in America. 'The baby was a much longed for IVF baby,' says the now 57-year-old from Hampshire.

'I was very ill with listeria at seven months. I nearly lost her, and nearly died, and was in the hospital for eight days. His work meant he was away at the time, and he took a long time to get to the hospital - around two days. When he arrived, he was different, and distant,' she says.

It turned out that he had begun a relationship with a work colleague, but Nell didn't discover that until months later. 'When I was about eight and a half months pregnant, he told me he didn't love me, and didn't want the baby. He moved out and I was totally devastated. I was alone in a foreign country with a newborn and no family support.' If a relationship suddenly ends at a significant time in your life (and catches you completely off guard), then it may well be a 'narcissistic discard'.

In this situation you'll have been built up, systematically dismantled and devalued, and then tossed away like rubbish when you're no longer the bright, sparkly, shiny person they met at the beginning of the relationship.