"Masculinity doesn't need to be TOXIC!"'

In Netflix's critically-acclaimed Adolescence, we witness the raw and unsettling truth of what can happen when young people, left to navigate identity alone, go searching for belonging online. It's a bleak picture, but it speaks to something deeper: a hunger for connection, recognition, and a sense of worth, writes therapist Kate Beckwith.

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At the heart of all this is something so human it’s almost easy to miss: every child — every boy — wants to feel liked, wanted, and safe. And yet, we're raising them in a world that increasingly tells them, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, that their very nature might be harmful. Language matters. And when we repeatedly pair the word ‘masculinity’ with ‘toxic,’ we send a message that, over time, becomes very hard to unhear. That’s where this conversation begins. Not with blame, but with curiosity. What are we really saying to our boys? And how can we say it better?

Language is powerful, and the way we use words shapes how we think about the world. Over the last few years, the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ has become part of the mainstream conversation, and while it serves an important purpose in highlighting harmful behaviours, it also carries unintended consequences — especially for young boys and men.

The issue isn’t the recognition of toxic behaviours; it’s the constant pairing of the words ‘toxic’ and ‘masculinity’. When two words are repeated together often enough, they start to merge in our collective psyche. Over time, it becomes difficult to separate the two, and the word ‘masculinity’ — which should encompass a broad range of positive traits — is increasingly associated with something harmful or malicious.

For adults, it’s easier to recognise that the problem lies with behaviours, not masculinity itself. But for impressionable young minds, this distinction isn’t so clear. Hearing the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ repeated over and over again in media and social spaces risks creating an association that masculinity itself is inherently bad. This is where the problem begins.

The power of language