FEELING the fear

It's easy to shy away from scary experiences, but there is joy to be had in embracing new things, discovers Caroline Butterwick

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I'm sitting in the front row as two men throw each other around a wrestling ring, and I can't help but cheer with the crowd as the wrestlers leap and flip inches from my face. I'm really not into wrestling, but my husband convinced me to come along to a show. And I actually end up having a great time.

Embacing new experiences can be so good for us, but can also feel challenging. 'Fear and apprehension are normal emotions – uncertain situations can produce natural fear and anxiety,' explains Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo, a chartered psychologist and co-author of Mental Health Microgains: 50 small actions that will make a big difference to your wellbeing (Trigger, £14.99).

That sense of uncertainty about what to expect can hold us back. We're used to routine and what feels safe and familiar. 'Trying new things can produce apprehension. Our brain can be great at sending us all the reasons not to try the new thing, with the well-meaning intent of keeping us safe,' Dr Quinn-Cirillo says. 'It can trigger our inner “threat mode” to some extent. We can therefore default to our comfort zone of wanting “certainty”, which means we may stick with what we know and not take the step to try new things.'

This can influence everything from avoiding ‘big’ unfamiliar experiences, like travelling to a different holiday destination, alongside more everyday choices. I tend to choose the same thing on a restaurant menu if I know there’s a dish I like, as part of me worries about making the ‘wrong’ choice and going with something I won't enjoy. It sounds silly, as it’s hardly an earth-shattering decision, but the familiarity can feel comforting.