Coming up for air - Small but mighty

Set adrift by other people's perceptions, mother and carer Caro Giles takes strength from her own small part in nature's spectacular stage show

- Caro Giles

This morning, I sat at my desk, my brain stuffed with unhelpful thoughts. Life is currently full of appointments and jobs that push creativity into the shadows, but somehow I have to find a way back into the light. Writing my life has become a necessity: a way to discover who I am, to share experiences and attend to the voice inside me that is sometimes only a whisper. But today, I could notice only the dust on the leaves of my peace lily, as the tiredness settling into fine lines around my eyes was reflected back at me through my screen. Somehow, the beauty of the mundane that I have grown to love was missing, everything slightly fragile and out of place.

My head can be a breeding ground for counterproductive thoughts. The seeds are planted by frequent interactions with health and education professionals who question my words and actions, and force me to defend myself. Much of my life is defined by my role as a mother and a carer, my heart wrapped up in girls who cannot conform and need me to advocate fiercely. I think I am a good mother, a thoughtful carer, but when I am told each week that my instincts are wrong or my actions insufficient, the seeds germinate. Perhaps my best is not good enough. Perhaps I am not good enough.