Coming up for air Mind the gap

Faced with the space and solitude of an empty house, Caro Giles fights the urge to make every moment count and, instead, engages in a little simple self-care

- Caro Giles

"In recent weeks, gaps have started to appear in my life, moments when I remember what it is to breathe and travel through life without small hands clutching at my sleeves. The same thing happened about 18 months ago, when I noticed my world opening up, and started to lift my eyes above the rooftops. But then the gates slammed shut again as the caring responsibilities ramped up once more, and opportunities for respite evaporated like fields of mist under the Northumbrian sun.

When the house is not full of my family, the air around me feels lighter. Not because it feels heavy when the house is full, but there is an emptiness that suggests possibility. I often spend time like this catching up on work, but I also know that I must find space to recharge my batteries. This will sometimes mean lying in a bath for so long that I am dizzy when I stand, staggering out of the steam to collapse in a weary heap on the bed. I often feel at my most exhausted when the children first leave the house for the night like the times you have a holiday booked and keep forging through life until you arrive at the destination and crumble, and wonder how on earth you kept going for so long. When a break in the daily routine emerges, that's when I'm likely to unravel and allow myself to listen to my tired body and mind.