The GREAT UNBALDING

FALLEN FOLLICLES, RISE! After decades of failed attempts to REGROW LOST HAIR, scientists may have just stumbled across A SOLUTION.

- Lane Brown

THE TRESSLESS sub-Reddit is the internet's largest gathering place for the bald and balding. It has more than 400,000 members, many of them young men stunned that their follicles have betrayed them so early. They share photos of their thinning scalps, vent about their diminished sex lives and self-esteem, track infinitesimal fluctuations in the size of celebrities’ foreheads, and ask questions like “Is Propecia an acceptable name for a daughter?” Mainly, they talk treatment: what works and, more often, what doesn't. “I think I am done for,” reads a representative post by a 21-year-old who tried the popular medications but kept shedding anyway. “Should I shave it all and accept defeat?”

The Tressless community's biggest frustration may be with the lack of progress. Technology has advanced in almost every other domain—we have self-driving cars, ChatGPT, and earbuds that translate foreign languages in real time—but the best hair-loss treatments are decades old and only marginally more effective than a good toupee. “WTF have we been doing for the last 30 years?” one redditor asked recently, prompting a 336-comment complaint session that at times showcased a surprising level of scientific fluency, with users citing journal articles, biochemical pathways, a broad spectrum of documented side effects, and the convoluted mechanics of FDA approval to explain the shortcomings of the current offerings.