Modern Manners

Advice for Your Social Dilemmas

- JENNA BUSH HAGER, WILLIE GEIST

BRENDA ASKS…

My mother-in-law has been coming to visit for years, and her stays are getting longer and longer. Last year, she stayed with us for more than four months! She makes no attempt to befriend anyone outside our home. She doesn’t help with housework and has a completely different diet than my husband and I. I know she’s my husband’s mother and I respect that, but this is too long for a houseguest in my opinion. Also: She left our guest room full of her stuff, as if it were her room. Help!

WILLIE GEIST: First of all, a four-month stay isn’t a visit—that’s essentially a temporary move! Whatever we want to call it, this situation really falls on your husband. It’s his mother, and he needs to take responsibility for having that conversation with her.

JENNA BUSH HAGER: You should have an open, honest conversation with your husband, and begin on a positive note. Try saying something like “I love your mom, and she’s a big part of our lives—but four months feels like a lot to me. Do you agree?” This frames the issue in a respectful way while also putting the ball in his court.

WG: If there are mitigating circumstances, like a health issue or another reason why she needs to be there, that’s a different conversation entirely. If this is just an extended visit without any extenuating circumstances, then your husband needs to be the one to address it, for sure. This already sounds like too much of your problem.