How to Be Limitless

AN EXPLORATION-AND SLIGHTLY SKEPTICAL EXAMINATION-INTO WHAT WE'VE BEEN TOLD ABOUT AGING. SPOILER: THE TRUTH IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE FICTION.

- Amy Wilkinson

Among the many congratulations, well-wishes, and playful ribbings I received upon turning 40 last summer came this stark declaration from my dad: "It's all downhill from here."

While the message was admittedly lousy (wanna snuff out my birthday candles while you're at it?!), it's not as if we all haven't heard some version of that before. Forty is the bogeyman of birthdays-a Rubicon that, once crossed, spells gray hair, wrinkles, and the end of youthful vitality as we know it. Or at least that's what Western culture would have us believe.

In reality, women's concerns as they enter their 40s, 50s, and beyond are more nuanced. Sure, there's the prospect of growing older and the existential biggie of mortality, but there's also a host of practical issues many of us face, be it divorce, or caregiving for an elderly parent while also raising a child. The convergence of stressors can lead to depression, anxiety, and general unease.

Sounds a bit like a midlife crisis, right? Well, a Canadian psychoanalyst named Elliott Jaques coined the term in 1965 for the period of discontent that he said occurs between the ages of 35 and 65. But his theory was inspired by the "great men," who experienced a change in their creativity in their mid-to-late 30s. As for women, he wrote that this transition is obscured by changes related to menopause-giving rather short shrift to our complex internal lives and, perhaps, giving us a reason to ditch the concept altogether? Research estimates that only 10 to 20 percent of people, in total, experience any sort of midlife crisis. For women, those who feel off at this time are often triggered by dissatisfaction at not accomplishing what they wanted. "Many women feel lied to," says WH advisor Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a New York-based clinical psychologist. "The lie is you can have it all, without compromising."