Mammy on A MISSION

After a rollercoaster journey, Kim Ryan, 35, is finally the mother she dreamt of becoming

- NICOLA SKINNER

When I was young, I knew exactly what I wanted to be by the time I grew up. In fact, I wanted it so much I thought I'd get some practice in early. So one day, when I was 13, I knocked on our neighbour's door and said, 'Can I take your baby out for a walk?' All my friends were thinking about clothes shopping and sleepovers, while I was much more interested in babysitting. I loved babies. I loved children. And all I wanted in life was to be a mammy.

Until that time came, I loved being at home in Ireland with my two brothers, Craig and Ian, sister Claire and our mam and dad.

I was happy when I was with my friends, too, although I hated formal occasions like birthday parties. During my teens, my weight fluctuated. I was 5ft 8½in and went up to a size 18. While my friends all wore beautiful, fitted outfits to their 18ths, I hid away under long-sleeved maxi dresses, feeling too self-conscious to even dance.

I didn’t have much confidence around men, but my brother’s friend Luke was funny and friendly, and somehow knew how to bring me out of my shell. We grew close, and soon became an item. Not long afterwards, in October 2015, our first child, Bobbie, was born when I was 25. With our little boy now my complete focus, I didn’t pay much attention to what I was eating, which was mostly chocolate, crisps and sandwiches.

By the time our daughter, Ellie, arrived in March 2017, my increasing weight was becoming harder to ignore.

On a day out to a theme park, we queued up for a ride, only for the attendant to look at me and say, 'Sorry, there are weight restrictions.' I felt so guilty that I couldn't share this moment with my family that I buried my head in Luke’s shoulder and cried.

Lockdown hits hard