Ms. Brightside

A loved one's dementia diagnosis can feel like the person you know is lost forever. When the progressive disease came to claim their amma, two sisters found a silver lining in her changing behaviour.

- SAACHI GUPTA

One of the first things I notice when I enter Shanti Sivaram's home is a book on a shelf against the wall: The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss. "I bought that book when Amma was first diagnosed with dementia but never had the courage to finish it," Sivaram confesses. "Because I live with her, it's difficult to read these things and not get bogged down." Her sister, Swati Iyer, recalls her own reaction to her mother's diagnosis in 2021. "The first thing I felt was guilt. Right before, we'd spent a couple of days together and were constantly arguing. It was difficult to even have a conversation." At the time, both sisters had chalked up their mother Savitri's changing behaviour to the grief of losing the family patriarch a few years earlier. Then, something unsettling happened. "Amma took a trip to Mangaluru with her sisters," Sivaram begins. "She got locked in the bathroom and couldn't figure out how to open the door for a long time." Iyer chimes in, "Since there was also a drastic shift in her behaviour, a friend who is a cancer specialist suggested getting an MRI done. The results showed that her brain was shrinking."

Dementia affects 7.4 per cent of India's elderly folk according to a study conducted in 2023. It is incurable, though medicines, lifestyle changes and cognitive remediation can slow its progression. And early signs aren't always obvious. "People might notice changes like minor lapses in memory, misplacing items or difficulty in simple cognitive activities," neuropsychologist Dr Shraddha Shah, the founder of Synapsium Brain Health Care, explains. "Misplacing something once is not a problem but if it occurs repeatedly with other symptoms, it's important to get it checked."