BLACK LOVE, REIMAGINED

Who's afraid of the big, bad biological clock? Not Black women—who are boldly choosing themselves over timelines, tradition and the chase for a ring

- By Jasmine Elise

Fifty-five years ago, ESSENCE published its very first issue—with the cover line, “Sensual Black Man, Do You Love Me?” The article dove deep into the glaring uptick in numbers of single Black women. Writer Louise Meriwether framed the rise of marriages between Black men and White women—which had been legalized only three years before, in 1967—as the main cause of the “man drain” at the time.

While some of the sentiments in that article ring true today, things have changed in monumental ways. Recent data published by ESSENCE paints an interesting picture of the current state of Black love: The percentage of Black women who had never been married grew from 37 percent in 1990 to 49 percent in 2022. While the numbers may seem alarming on the surface, they actually point to a growing trend of Black women seeking personal fulfillment rather than opting for marriage for its own sake.

We're redefining what “happily ever after” means, even if it doesn’t include the husband, kids and a white picket fence. Most of all, we’re taking the boundless love that we pour so freely into family, career and community and pouring much of it back into ourselves. Should romantic love cross our path on the journey, we'll welcome it.

Therapist and former ESSENCE relationship columnist Sherry Blake, Ph.D. (aka, “Dr. Sherry”) sees this shifting mentality as a positive trend. “For many years, I think there was a panic that if you did not have a husband or a mate by a certain age, then you were a failure,” she says. “That pushed a lot of women into settling in relationships that they were not happy in. Women have decided: I am no longer willing to allow that panic button to go off in me. I am okay on my own.”

FIRST COMES LOVE