ABSOLUTELY BATURED

Do you find a standard Bentley a bit mass produced? Well, meet the very exclusive (and very purple] new Batur

- TOM FORD

Thus far, the Bentley Batur is the most expensive and most powerful production Bentley ever produced. It costs upwards of £1.6 million before local taxes and options, and accommodates one of the final iterations of a 6.0-litre W12 bi-turbo engine that's nearly two decades old, made 'more efficient' by people with big brains and complicated spanners. Though 'more efficient' in quaintly demure Bentley speak translates as 'more powerful' than ever before 730bhp, with 7371b ft of torque (1,000Nm if you prefer numerical cleanliness), delivered from 1,750rpm until 5,000rpm on a torque curve that looks like a park bench. It is gravely expensive, exclusive, powerful and very, very fast.

Which hurts. Because for the past four hours, I've been doing a maximum of 35mph in torrential rain, deploying about 60 of the available horsepower. Visibility is down to roughly 20 feet, and you get the feeling that just beyond the thick duvet of mist might be actual views, if only because the climbing, serpentine roads are dropping heavy hints. But Storm Oscar wrapped suffocating and soggy arms around Tenerife as we arrived and all bets are off - the roads might be interesting, but with this kind of weather the Batur is horribly overendowed. The backpack nuke of holiday hire cars.