PAUL IS ALWAYS WITH ME

Vanessa Moore was blindsided by grief when she lost her husband, so she asked him to send her a sign…

- VANESSA MOORE

It was a Sunday morning in February, and, like every Sunday morning, my husband Paul and I went swimming. With full-time jobs and a big family (I have three children from my first marriage Paul, four), the only way to keep t was to forgo lie-ins. The alarm went o at 6.35 am, and in less than an hour we were heaving up and down the pool.

After my delayed exit from the water, I get to Paul’s car, but he isn’t there. I realise that I didn’t see him get out of the water, so he might still be swimming. When I check, there are only a few people left in the water, and Paul isn’t one of them.

I go back to the foyer and a woman comes rushing down the stairs, shouting, ‘Call 999! Someone’s collapsed in the changing rooms.’ I’m seized with terror, clinging to a hope that it might not be him, but there’s a bag on the floor and, as soon as I see it, I know it is Paul’s. I hear my disembodied voice asking: ‘Is he dead?’

‘No, they’re working on him. But I must tell you that it’s serious.’

I wait in reception a kind lady has her arm around me. My heart continues to thump as I climb into the ambulance. As it turns a corner, Paul’s head ops to the side. This is the moment when I register that he really is dead. A few days later, the coroner discovers Paul died of heart failure, his arteries were clogged up.