Loving Willow

At first, Carolyn Jess-Cooke thought her daughter was just different

- Frances Leate

Being judged as a parent is possibly one of the most frustrating things anyone with children will endure. The looks of disapproval when your child throws a tantrum and nothing calms them, or when your child says or does something that quite literally causes eyebrows around you to raise.

I’ve been that named and shamed parent, whose child has done something to humiliate themselves and me in the process – the parent who is judged for being a terrible mother. But the difference with my daughter, willow, is that she has no sense of what she is doing is wrong and is oblivious to the looks of disapproval that often surround us. I know that the next time I am judged for being a bad parent, it won’t be the last.

One thing I’ve learnt as a mum is that no child is the same. When my youngest daughter, Willow, was born in July 2012, both me and my husband Jared, 31, knew not to compare her to her siblings. Just because my eldest, Melody, then five, was talking in clear, full sentences by 18 months and our son Phoenix, four, and daughter Summer, two, both walked before their first birthdays, it didn’t mean that Willow would.

As a baby she was loving and bubbly, and she later grew into a confident, sociable and feisty little girl. Even from a young age she showed a kind, friendly nature towards her siblings. But she seemed to shy away from strangers, and when she was around anyone who wasn’t family, she instantly became withdrawn and quiet. I didn’t see it as anything to worry about and assumed she’d grow out of it.

At home, Willow always knew how to get her own way and at just three years old built a tower from a chair and stack of pillows to reach the biscuit tin from the top kitchen cupboard. Far from being angry, Jared and I were so impressed with our determined little girl.