Let's Burst The 'Selfish Woman' Myth
NEXT|January 2019

Whatever decisions we make about having children (or not), we’re judged – usually by other women. Emma Brockes, a single mother to sperm-donor twins, has a few things to say about that

Let's Burst The 'Selfish Woman' Myth

My mother had me late in life, at least by the standards of 1975. She was 42, almost 43, and would like to have had more children, but it was still three years before the first IVF baby, and I would remain her only child. Thirty-nine years later, when I had my twins, assisted fertility – and with it older mothers – had become commonplace. The circumstances of my children’s background are very different from my own – I was raised in Buckinghamshire, my children in New York; I had a mum and dad; my children were conceived via sperm donor and I’m a single parent by choice. But one thing that hasn’t changed is the word that is consistently used to describe the choices both my mother and I, and every other woman I know, made about having our children: selfish. Let’s see. Have a baby at 45: selfish (you’ll die before it grows up). Have a child at 17: selfish (children having children). Have ‘only’ one child: selfish (needs a playmate). Have five children: selfish (bad for the environment/costly to the taxpayer). Don’t have a child at all: selfish. (You’ll have more time to lavish on yourself, never learning the meaning of self-sacrifice.) Have a child and work full-time/don’t work at all/draw benefits/hire a nanny: selfish. And, obviously, having an abortion: very, very selfish. There is almost no decision a woman can make in relation to when, how or if she has children that is entirely free from the risk of another woman (or man) calling her selfish. I wonder why this is. When it comes to having children, men are rarely called selfish, in spite of the fact they go on creating families well into their 50s (Alec Baldwin), 60s (Steve Martin) and even 70s (Mick Jagger), while a lot of us look on and indulgently chuckle.

Diese Geschichte stammt aus der January 2019-Ausgabe von NEXT.

Starten Sie Ihre 7-tägige kostenlose Testversion von Magzter GOLD, um auf Tausende kuratierte Premium-Storys sowie über 8.000 Zeitschriften und Zeitungen zuzugreifen.

Diese Geschichte stammt aus der January 2019-Ausgabe von NEXT.

Starten Sie Ihre 7-tägige kostenlose Testversion von Magzter GOLD, um auf Tausende kuratierte Premium-Storys sowie über 8.000 Zeitschriften und Zeitungen zuzugreifen.

WEITERE ARTIKEL AUS NEXTAlle anzeigen
Caitlin Cady Shares Her Journey
NEXT

Caitlin Cady Shares Her Journey

Caitlin Cady always liked being in control, so the thought of meditating scared her. But once she sat down and let her thoughts leave her mind, it proved to be incredibly important to her health. She shares her journey

time-read
8 Minuten  |
April 2020
The Wright Direction
NEXT

The Wright Direction

Back on home soil after her stint in NYC, Rebecca Wright shares with Monique McKenzie what she thinks the future holds for the US, and why she is proud of the positive role modelling New Zealand offers her young daughter

time-read
8 Minuten  |
April 2020
View From The Top
NEXT

View From The Top

She’s just turned 50 and Hilary Barry is feeling happier and more comfortable in her own skin than ever before. The Seven Sharp host sits down with Phoebe Watt to talk about gratitude and why she won’t let the odd barb bring her down.

time-read
8 Minuten  |
March 2020
How To Magnify Your Meal
NEXT

How To Magnify Your Meal

There are certain natural foods that offer higher nutrients than others, but how do we know which to choose? Anna King Shahab looks at how we can make choices that are backed by science.

time-read
6 Minuten  |
March 2020
My big BREAK
NEXT

My big BREAK

Sometimes things come together in ways we could never have imagined. Sharon Stephenson speaks to three Kiwi women about the pivotal moments that helped launch their careers and businesses to success

time-read
7 Minuten  |
April 2020
MOTHER AND SISTER
NEXT

MOTHER AND SISTER

Linda Armstrong attended the Linwood Islamic Centre every Friday and on the day of the Christchurch mosque attack she confronted the shooter, asking him to stop. Now her daughter Angela Armstrong is going back over her mum’s footsteps to learn more about her conversion to Islam and the community she loved

time-read
6 Minuten  |
April 2020
The Acid Test For Anxiety
NEXT

The Acid Test For Anxiety

Microdosing involves taking tiny amounts of illegal psychedelic drugs such as LSD or magic Microdosing, the practice of taking tiny amounts of illegal psychedelic drugs, is being hailed by some as a new form of therapy. We separate the shamanism from the science in pursuit of the truth

time-read
7 Minuten  |
March 2020
Queen Of The Beehive
NEXT

Queen Of The Beehive

Tova O’Brien is living her career dream, leading Three’s all-female political team in parliament. She tells Sharon Stephenson about reporting from Europe’s hot spots, landing in jail, and what they really talk about in the press gallery

time-read
6 Minuten  |
March 2020
NEXT

Passion Project: How To Write A Romance

Have you ever secretly thought you could be the next Nora Roberts or Diana Gabaldon? Award-winning Kiwi romance novelist Bronwyn Sell takes you through her 10-step plan

time-read
7 Minuten  |
March 2020
The End Game
NEXT

The End Game

Everyone has their own approach to goal setting, but do some work better than others? Monique McKenzie shares the methods that will help you get to where you want to be.

time-read
7 Minuten  |
March 2020