Lightening the Load

Former soldier Phil Dawes explains how cycling helped him regain fitness and come to terms with repressed trauma

- Hannah Reynolds

For many of us, riding our bikes provides some head space, away from everyday problems, where we can relax and process the things that are bothering us. For Phil Dawes, 57, this benefit of cycling has special significance: without it, he might never have confronted the effects of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

“I grew up in the Far East and was sent to boarding school,” Dawes begins. “I was abused at school and that is what made me join the armed forces at the age of 16 — so that it [abuse] would never happen to me again, at least not without a fight.”

He served in the military from 1976, working in various war zones all over the world, and retired in 1994, when he moved to Jersey. The harrowing memories from his childhood, combined with troubling experiences in the military, led to Dawes suffering PTSD — though it would be many years before he felt able to confront his symptoms.

“I ruptured my Achilles when I was 28. I have since ruptured it twice and had a knee reconstruction. Before then, I did everything: rugby, cricket, triathlon. I’ve also had a hip replacement and basically the only thing I can do now is swimming, which gets a bit boring — or cycling.”

Breakthrough moment

“I’d never been a great cyclist but a friend of mine asked if I would do a ride with him for Help the Heroes. So, in June 2015, I did Edinburgh to Windsor. It was 450 miles in seven days, so quite a nice introduction.” It was a breakthrough moment. “I got talking to other military people who had similar experiences to me and that showed me that you could actually go and speak to someone about it.”