5 ways to combat self-criticism

A greatest-hits soundtrack produced by self-criticism would sound something like this: You should have done better on that project.

- By Angela Haupt

Why isn't the house cleaner? You tanked the whole soccer game! You're a bad parent, an even worse colleague, and a sorry excuse for a friend. And you're wasting so much time right now that you'll be late-again.

The tendency to engage in negative self-evaluation afflicts almost everyone. "People treat their self-criticism as though it's part of themselves, like their eye color," says Rachel Turow, a Seattle-based clinical psychologist and author of The Self-Talk Workout. "They say, 'Oh, I've just always been my own worst critic! And a lot of people don't realize how damaging it is."

Listening to your loud inner critic is a habit-not a fixed personality trait, Turow clarifies-often exacerbated by childhood trauma, emotional abuse, bullying, sexism, homophobia, and social media use. It can also be a form of self-protection: If you're mean to yourself, "then nobody else can hurt you as bad as you're going to hurt yourself," Turow says.

But there's good reason to work on silencing self-criticism, which has been found to worsen depression, anxiety, disordered eating, juvenile delinquency, self-harm, and suicidal behavior and ideation. (In some cases, it's a reciprocal relationship: depression also triggers self-criticism, an effect researchers have found is particularly pronounced for teen girls.) People with higher levels of self-compassion, on the other hand, are less likely to experience mental-health challenges.

Fortunately, plenty of tools can help us talk more kindly to ourselves. We asked experts to share their favorite ways to overcome critical self-talk.

1. Investigate the origins