Getting Real About Polyamory

The Why The Who, The How And The What

- Swapna C

Last month, some people shared how polyamory brings openness and honest communication to relationships. While this sounds good and ideal in theory, how does it actually work in the real world? How does one discover polyamory? Is it a smooth ride with every poly partner? The ethical polyamorists continue to answer these questions and more with THE MAN this month.

WHY POLYAMORY?

You are not jealous enough. If you cared about me and felt possessive about me, then you would not have let me go meet my ex!” Harish, 51, media professional, recalls his girlfriend accusing him of being too liberal. That was when he knew that he wasn't cut out for monogamy. In the 90s, polyamory wasn't a popular term in India, so Harish started reading about open relationships and experimented with different partners.

Initially, he was embarrassed about it because he was raised in a conventional family and had married siblings. So he was not completely open but over a few years he learned to be transparent with all his partners.

Not all people have an epiphany moment. Some are introduced to the idea by their partners. And they discover other partners who are interested in some of their pursuits the way their spouse or primary partner is not. And they are also open-minded or curious about trying new things and connecting with people and experiencing the high of new relationship energy (NRE).

Sex and Intimacy Coach Aili Seghetti, 48, who is polyamorous herself, says, “It is becoming more and more difficult to connect with other human beings because of work and timings and gadgets and fast-paced lifestyles. As we push ourselves more, we also have a lot of expectations from our partners. You expect your partner to be your friend, your lover, someone who makes you grow spiritually, someone you can have fun with, someone you can have great sex with. It is like looking for a God in a human being.