The Monster At My Wedding

- Michelle Rawlins

Snuggling under my parents’ duvet, I closed my eyes.

I’d often sleep next to Mum.

My stepdad Stephen Campy would climb into bed after his shifts as a taxi driver.

But within minutes of Mum getting up for work, I’d bite my lip, knowing what was coming...

I was only 5. But most days, Stephen would abuse me.

Every time, I’d pretend to be asleep and stay perfectly still as he put his hand under the cover and into my underwear.

Too scared to cry, I’d count the seconds until it was over.

Mum had met Stephen not long after my real dad had left.

Although Stephen was strict, he was also loving and kind.

He had two children of his own and became like a dad to me and my two older sisters.

When the abuse started, I hated it but took it as normal.

What dads do.

But growing up, that changed.

I felt sick

None of my friends talked about their dads going into their room at night.

Something told me I couldn’t talk about what Stephen did.

Years passed and it escalated. If Mum was out, he’d prey on me.

He never raped me, but would make me masturbate him. Later I’d feel sick and scrub myself.

Sometimes Stephen would buy me a bag of sweets after.