The Carrot & The Stick

Is it possible to ‘discipline’ a toddler, Cathrine Versfeld asks

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There are many opinions around the subject of discipline. Some people believe that the word ‘discipline’ immediately translates to spanking. Others seem to feel that offering a reward or bribe for good behaviour is manipulative, and distracts from the true lesson. Wen it comes to toddlers it’s even harder, as impulse control, emotional maturity and being ‘good’ are concepts that they simply do not understand.

Worldwide, the practice of corporal punishment or spanking has diminished. Preprimary institutions now specifically advocate the ‘time-out’ system, with early development (ED) specialists suggesting that any form of intimidation (physical or verbal) of a child is a form of bullying and no longer constitutes teaching. Traditionally, the point of discipline has been to teach our children compliance and selfcontrol, but toddlers are not ready for such sophisticated behaviour yet. This is not because a particular child is spoilt or ungovernable, but rather because they do not yet possess the emotional and mental tools to control what they are thinking, feeling or how they will react from one moment to the next.

Child development specialist, Claire Lerner, director of parenting resources for the nonprofit organization Zero to Three, says, “They understand that their actions matter – they can make things happen. This leads them to want to make their imprint on the world and assert themselves in a way they didn’t when they were a baby. The problem is they have very little self-control and they’re not rational thinkers. It’s a very challenging combination.”