Ask Away

Consent is a crucial component of relational health that exists (or should) in *every* pairing. Yet it's highly misunderstood and thought of as an early-dating, one-off discussion. That's a problem, considering that it's the basis for more trusting connections, improved communication, and-yep-better sex too. Time to correct the score.

- By Cassie Shortsleeve

Recently, my 21/2-year-old asked me if I was okay. I was (though that particular day had been...a day), so I told her as much. Then she asked me if I wanted a hug. It was sweet, but it was also an example of her budding understanding of something far more important: consent.

As adults, we rarely need to ask for permission-we can go where we want, when we want, and with whom we want. Perhaps it's no surprise, then, that consent is often thought of as a one-and-done conversation solely about sex. Maybe you talked about it with past partners, or maybe it's come up on occasion, but you don't think of it as that big a deal (and you wouldn't be alone-research finds people are less likely to ask for consent as time passes in a relationship).

The truth: Consent is a fundamental piece of every connection. That's not just because issues such as sexual coercion and rape do happen in long-term partnerships, but also because, ultimately, consent is about communicating and respecting boundaries. It's about having autonomy throughout your life span to make decisions and empower those around you to do the same. Pretty important, right? Having an honest and engaging conversation about all parts of our lives is key for healthy relationships, says Angela Lee, director of Love Is Respect, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

But sit-down, awkward, want to-cringe chats? Besides being outdated, they often just scratch the surface of consent's true value. These five expert-backed strategies provide a guide for keeping consent a part of the conversation, which in turn boosts trust, confidence, and pleasure (sometimes without saying a word)....

Redefine Consent