How Cancer Actually *Helped* My Relationship With My Body

At 30, 1 finally feel beautiful.

- SHANNON CURY

I sometimes think of my body as a garden. One that for most of my childhood and early adult years, I absolutely hated. No matter how many times I attempted to cultivate and celebrate its beauty, I saw only its weeds: arms

In high school and college, I tried to counteract the resentment I felt by “getting healthy.” I wanted to be smaller, thinner, leaner...to look like the happy bodies I saw projected all around me. But a misguided focus on losing weight turned into disordered eating and unhealthy exercise patterns-and general misery. Trying to squeeze my not size O body into a size 0 dress was a regular occurrence. Skipping pool parties to avoid being in a bathing suit around classmates happened a lot. All the while, I tried and tried to conform to beauty standards-and in doing so, I became a master at fanning the flames of 'my own self-doubt and shame.

After years of hiding inside my head to avoid living inside my body, I couldn't decipher the signals.