The Unhorny Heart

Before he became a cosmopolitan columnist-check out "Navigating non-monogamy" online-writer Zachary Zane had to figure out what it meant to be bi, poly, kinky...And something else he wished he'd known about himself *years* earlier. Here, he uncovers a facet of his sexual identity that changed his relationships forever.

- By Zachary Zane

I lived with Cooper and Claire for about eight months, and it was one of the best periods of my life. They had been married for nearly 10 years and were polyamorous and for the first time, I was too.

While Claire and I didn't have a sexual or romantic relationship, Cooper and I did. I had dated guys before sometimes for months on end but this was the first one to reach capital-B Boyfriend status. Living with Cooper was fucking awesome. We worked out together. We had a ton of gay orgies. I forced him to watch Drag Race. I even liked living with his wife.

On top of the excitement and generally queer-affirming experience that comes from having a same-sex partner, I loved that our relationship was honest in the purest sense of the word. I had a level of transparency with Cooper that I had never experienced before, partly because polyamory necessitates open communication and expressing your feelings to ensure your relationship(s) don't implode. I let him know if I got bad vibes from one of his new partners or if I thought one of his friends was taking advantage of him. I felt like I could say anything to him; he'd never get defensive, and I'd never be judged.