The Compatibility Myth

Could our misunderstanding of this one concept be responsible for the downfall of so many modern relationships?

- Paisley Gilmour

For a long-term partner, compatibility is a familiar concept. From Date One, you search for clues as to whether this person is ‘right’ for you—someone who likes the same obscure films, also spends their weekends hiking in the countryside, has the same political leanings, and who could give you a run for your money as the life and soul of the party. It has been drilled into us that ‘The One’ exists. That there is that one person out there who can fulfill our every need, tick every box, and be our best friend, lover, and co-parent.

And how will we know if we have met this person? Well, we will just know, because we will, apparently, feel undeniable ‘chemistry’.

But these assumptions about what constitutes romantic compatibility might not be the best basis to decide whether a relationship gets the green light or red. They are founded on a tired, old myth...and a (monogamous) relationship model we have been sold since the dawn of time by romantic comedies and love songs. With so many of us never making it to a second date, and the number of marriages gradually decreasing, could it be time to rethink romantic compatibility and what it ~actually~ should be?

MATCH MYTH 1

YOU NEED TO HAVE COMMON INTERESTS

No, liking the same things is not really important for long-term compatibility. “Having the same interests can be superficial and boring,” says Geneviève ZawadaGresset, a matchmaker on reality show, Married At First Sight. “If you are in each other’s pockets all the time, it can be suffocating,” she adds.