Fighting Shape

‘Months later and I’m still sore from Boxfit!’

- Benjamin Rempel

My wife is a fiery ball of optimism, so I’m sure she meant nothing but the best when she gifted me a Groupon for one-month unlimited boxing for my 42nd birthday. I play the role of cynical curmudgeon in our relationship, so naturally, I took it as an insult.

“You’ve mentioned it before!” she said enthusiastically. I interpreted this to mean, “You’ve become rather frumpy in the mid-section.” My brow narrowed as I mulled over the lengthy physical injury waiver. “It sounds like a lot of fun,” she smiled, which I’m convinced actually meant, “Most humans don’t tire from loading the dishwasher.” When the gift sat idle for over a month, she grew concerned. “Do you think you’ll use it?” she inquired, which we all know translates to “The term dad-bod is not the compliment you think it is, sweetie.”

Now don’t get me wrong: I love sports and the unending pursuit of trying to stay fitter than my aging terrier. The gift was presented before the pandemic, and at that time I lifted weights, played basketball weekly, and put forth a strong effort to finish a five-kilometer run most weekends. So, at the time— when open gyms and group classes were normal—I felt I was in good enough shape to give it a go.

I wasn’t.