Consent Is A Must

As your child grows, it becomes increasingly important for him to understand that both ‘yes’ and ‘no’ must be respected.

- Zehra Naqvi

HASAN, MY five-year-old, is a boisterous, effervescent boy. He smothers his friends and cousins with hugs and kisses, loves to run around and shriek—his world is sans any boundary. But as he grows, boundaries become extremely important. I want my son to learn the idea of consent; of not just making his own choices but also respecting others’. How do I make him do that? To make him understand that he must seek permission before playing with a friend’s toy, I make it a point to ask him before rearranging his stuff. I then bring this up for reference when we’re visiting friends and relatives: “Remember how mommy asks before moving your toys? So ask your friend if you want to play with his playthings.”

More significantly, respecting consent in expressing affection has major implications for adulthood. When Hasan smothers his friends with huge squishy hugs, they may not always like it. And it’s important for him to respect that. So, whenever I feel like hugging or kissing him, I come close and ask, “Mummy wants to give you a kiss, is it okay if I do?” Mostly, he puts his arms around me, extending his cheek. At other times though, he might be too busy playing or making a craft, when he brushes me off. This is the crucial part of the lesson. I smile and say, “It’s okay” and then get to the point: “You cannot hug or kiss someone if he/she doesn’t want it. Your affection should make the other person happy—not irritate them. Isn’t that the whole point of love?”

The way that you, an adult, perceive choice and consent, is different from how children will. They need age-appropriate lessons.

leading by example