When Britannia waives the rules

Profiting from the world while losing its soul

- Sam Llewellyn

It is not yet dawn. The only light is the green gleam of the compass, and the ruby-diamond-and-emerald glow of the masthead trilight, and the occasional flash of a white horse on a black swell. The mind, tired, wanders into a dark labyrinth, made evil-smelling by the thought of Southern Water’s enormous pouring of raw sewage into the Beaulieu river (amongst other waterways).

The water boards were privatised a while ago, and the results have been splendid for shareholders, if disastrous for rivers; but hey, everyone needs money, and to hell with trout and damselflies. In the absence of a budget for the Environment Agency, the water companies have been allowed to report their own pollution incidents, and it is entirely understandable if reprehensible that they have lied like troopers. It is only a matter of time until some original thinker, inspired by this, decides to privatise the sea.

Incidents of pollution at sea should of course be reported to the Coastguard, but the Maritime and Coastguard Agency (in defiance of best practice) is still funded by the Government. Sold off to G4S or Serco, the Coastguard would choose what to report, and any fatalities or oil spills... well, you can’t make omelettes without breaking eggs, for goodness’ sake, or indeed stand in the way of progress.