123 MINUTES WITH ... Joyce Szuflita

The school-admissions consultant who assuages the fears of Brooklyn's most anxious parents.

- CAITLIN MOSCATELLO

I SPEND THE WHOLE entire spring and summer telling people not to procrastinate, to do a consult in spring or summer or to book me for the fall," Joyce Szuflita says when her face fills my Zoom screen, sounding like a high-school soccer coach who warned everybody to run in the offseason. She doesn't say the words, but her tone conveys the message: These people never fucking listen.

It's a rainy Wednesday morning, and I've managed to secure two hours with the most coveted dispenser of advice in Brooklyn, a one-name celebrity known simply as "Joyce" from Ditmas Park to Greenpoint. She is booked solid for the next three weeks. Clients are swarming her inbox to reserve one of the few remaining slots in November. For the better part of two decades, Szuflita has demystified the process of public-school admissions for some of Brooklyn's most overwhelmed, optimization-prone parents. (About a quarter of her clients are interested in private options, but her specialty and enthusiasm lie in elucidating what New Yorkers can get for free.) Prekindergarten and elementary admission are largely based on where you live. But the game gets significantly more byzantine come middle school and more complex yet for high school, with its tier of "screened" institutions that have traditionally required students to test in, audition, or undergo other high-stress assessments. The process of getting into certain schools-and don't kid yourself, everybody wants in-has long been a brutal one. Until it got slightly easier. And then brutal again. Or maybe some middle level of brutal? This is why parents need Szuflita.