Making and Keeping Friends Shouldn't Be a 'Waste of Time'

Let's change our mindset. Social connections are just as important as other typical indicators of success.

- Annabelle Chow

As a clinical psychologist in private practice, I've observed that the loneliness epidemic is very real.

One of my clients, a young male millennial, told me how, despite managing a sizeable team of colleagues at work and being connected with a large network of professionals on LinkedIn and followers on Instagram, he felt constantly isolated.

Another client, a working mother of two young children, confided that she was constantly busy juggling responsibilities at work and at home. She felt that she had no one she could truly talk to about her own struggles - not other mothers or even her own husband.

These stories are not uncommon. I often see individuals who appear outwardly to have full, active lives but struggle inwardly with a deep sense of loneliness. The emotional weight of loneliness manifests in various ways - oftentimes as anxiety, low mood or as a quiet ache that's difficult to articulate.

Loneliness isn't just about being isolated socially. It's about feeling unseen, unheard or disconnected even in the presence of others.

This can pose a real risk to our physical and mental health.

Loneliness increases our cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and is associated with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, cognitive decline, sleep disorders, substance abuse and chronic stress.

Our physical health also suffers. Loneliness significantly raises the risk of cardiovascular disease, stroke and even premature death. Its impact on the mortality rate is comparable with smoking about 15 cigarettes a day and exceeds that of obesity or physical inactivity.

A SHIFT IN VALUES

Many reasons have been offered up at the altar of loneliness: technology, the global rising cost of living, Covid-19 and the evolving nature of work - the list goes on.